Equity, schmequity


Not only do their periods attract bears, their ineptitude will also lead to the climax of global warming.

I’m not one to spit in the face of success, but the following Tips to help men reach out to women really take the cake. These were released by a global corporation that shall remain unnamed in the name of institutional gender equity. I wish I could make this stuff up, but apparently there are people who get paid more than my brother’s elementary school teacher to do “research” about how to integrate helpless, inept females into the complicated and scary working world (the italics, however, come from me free of charge):

Keep it honest. Think hard about treating men and women the same — ask yourself if you’re unduly worried about hurting feelings or being “politically correct”.

Worrying about other people’s feelings never got anyone ahead in the working world. All you have to do is pretend you care and she’ll just keep on typing and making coffee.

Encourage authenticity. Coach women to capitalize on what they do best and to talk through the benefits of their strategies for deepening client relationships. Consider ways individuals succeed with clients and consider together the career moves that build on those approaches.

Women are universally known for lacking in the relationship building department. Let them practice relating to something they are familiar with, such as a curling iron or a spatula.

Be a mentor. Be someone women can talk with about their long-term view of their careers. Talk about women’s ambitions, encourage dreaming big and compare ideas about what steps one can take to reach specific career goals.

If she starts crying (and she’ll always start crying) do not be alarmed. This is her way of coping with the pressures of having new-found ambition.

Define expectations. Share tips on how one hits targets and achieves the metrics that are expected. Identify ways in which expectations can change from manager to senior leader, including any “unwritten rules.”

These rules include anything that goes on under a desk, in a break room, or requires a trip to the drug store the next day.

Leverage relationships. Encourage women to build relationships with their peers and with those at higher levels so that they develop a broad network. Talk through the strategic questions they may have and encourage women to bring questions to others.

Once again, women are very challenged in the area of inter-personal communication. Encouraging women to develop these broad networks will cut down on the likelihood that she will come to you with problems. They say it takes a village to ignore the whims of a woman.

Spend the time. Ask women to do things with you: lunch, breakfast and other activities. The more you get to know women on a personal basis, the more at ease you will be doing business with them, bringing their talents into the mix and providing them with insights shared by mentors who were critical to you in your career.

If you don’t eat with them, they may starve. Also, don’t let them on the sit on the nice couch.

Develop business together. Engage women in all aspects of the business-development process. Include them in key meetings and participate with them to help them get to know your contacts. Let others know about the specific talents of women you work with.

Specific talents include driving without getting lost, making a delicious sandwich, and getting red wine stains out of the break room carpet.


One Response to “Equity, schmequity”

  1. 1 Truman

    I ask women to do things with me all the time and they’re always busy, I think I’M the real victim here.

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