I’ve Seen the Light(s)


I love being a bartender.  For the last few days, I’ve held a post behind the bar of the Northern Lights Theatre Pub, a fantastic local haunt for Salemites seeking delicious grub, flowing libation, and maybe even a movie.

First of all, why did no one tell me how many tips bartenders get?  I could feed half the DNC with this dough, no joke.

Second, people are always in a great mood when they come to the bar (my bar, at least).  They’ve left the screaming offspring at home in search of a gentle, indulgent respite, and there I stand – a blazing beacon of booze on the horizon of popcorn and soft drinks – ready to let the sweet honey flow.  I’ve had the best conversations while standing at a beer tap.  Sound bytes include:

And then what?  Just like I said, next week he breaks his neck and now he’s a paraplegic.

I’ll have a glass of the Riesling and whatever this lush here wants.

[Woman frantic with a running child] You sell alcohol here, right?

Why do you need his ID?  We’re his parents!

Hola, huerita (AKA gringa). – Special thanks to Master Chef Tino

Give me another [Arrogant] Bastard [Ale].

Every time we see naked butt, we drink! [All five women walk into Sex and the City]

Third, I love the Lights.  Really, I can’t believe they call this work sometimes (sans while I’m sweeping the theatres – apparently there’s a rumor going around the general public that theatre floors rid themselves of rogue popcorn, candy wrappers, and unused straws).  Last time I worked at the theatre (at winter break), I was the youngest person there, and thus the only one who couldn’t work the bar.  Now that I’m an adult and handing out beer and wine like lottery tickets and condoms, I’m one of the oldest employees there (except Tino, of course, for whom I will always be “La Princesa”) and loving it.

The best sound byte of all…

Token Inappropriate Employee:

I don’t care what you say, it’s still the social responsibility of the guy to do the asking for a date.

Most Awesome Female Customer Ever:

You sure about that one, Tiger?


2 Responses to “I’ve Seen the Light(s)”

  1. Hilarious. “You sell alcohol here right?” HAHAHAHAHAH. Brilliant. Did you learn how to bartend? You rock. I can’t wait to get back buy you some booze and have you make me drinks 🙂

  2. A “blazing beacon of booze . . .” Hahaha. Nice alliteration. Glad you’re not drowning in popcorn butter!

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