Why Christmas is Awesome

07Dec08

I love Christmas more than any other holiday.  It has its own cast of characters who inhabit the coldest place on Earth, the power to make or break retail chains, and montage of the most eclectic music the western world has ever conceived.

My Christmas nexus.

My Christmas nexus.

Case in point: I’m listening to Comcast’s Sounds of the Season all-Christmas-music-all-the-time channel and basking in the glow of the holiday spirit.

First observation: there are A LOT of Christmas songs with the word Christmas in them.  Such as…

  • White Christmas
  • Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree
  • The Christmas Song
  • This Christmas
  • Last Christmas
  • We Wish You a Merry Christmas
  • Please Come Home for Christmas
  • Merry Christmas Darling
  • Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
  • Christmas is Coming
  • I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day
  • Oh Christmas Tree [or Tannebaum if you like]
  • The Twelve Days of Christmas
  • All I Want for Christmas is You/My Two Front Teeth
  • Blue Christmas
  • The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don’t Be Late)
  • It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas
  • We Need a Little Christmas
  • War is Over (Happy Christmas)

Second observation: singing Christmas songs gives normally sane celebrities license to go off their nuggets and think they can sing any song they want while still being cool.  This is just so not the case.  Take these examples as proof:

  • Ringo Starr does Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
  • A techno version of Please Come Home for Christmas by Cher and Rosie O’Donnell
  • An R&B version of the Nutcracker Suite by a group called Operatica called Nutcrakeratica
  • Marc Antony’s take on Auld Lang Syne
  • Robert Goulet singing anything [akin to William Shatner, anything he says just makes me giggle]
pebbleschristmassongslpfront

This sort of thing is a major part of the problem.

Third observation: Comcast’s “Fun Fact Finder” employees should be fired.  I sympathize with the fact that they can only do so much with 24-hour streaming and facts that change every 30 seconds, but they are really grasping for straws with some of these:

  • Microsoft founder Bill Gates married Melinda French in Hawaii Jan 1, 1994 [New Year’s Day, as if anything that has ever happened on that day is significant to Christmas]
  • Gingerbread made its way to North America when settlers form northern Europe traveled to the US [you mean when literally EVERYTHING ELSE came here too?]
  • The first BB gun was created in 1886 [vaguely related to A Christmas Story, nice try Comcast]
  • You’re watching Music Choice [hello, bottom of the barrel]

And in case you were wondering, Bing Crosby’s version of White Christmas and Mel Torme’s take on The Christmas Song are my all time favorites.  And I’ve offically typed the word Christmas so many times that I don’t recognize its meaning anymore.

That's more like it.

That's more like it.

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8 Responses to “Why Christmas is Awesome”

  1. 1 Amber Beyer

    Omg, you HAVE to hear this song called “Christmas in the Northwest!” It’s all about a Pacific NW X-mas, and is hilARious! My friends and I heard it on the radio last year after a skiing trip, and we couldn’t stop laughing. But let’s face it, X-mas in the NW is a “gift God wrapped in green!”

  2. oh my god i love that. back in the day when i used to babysit (ps i feel freaking old saying that) BUT, anyway, when that happened, the family would always have the christmas music channel on for the month of december. seriously one of the best things ever invented. we should have that on next time we have an nvc meeting.

  3. We have discussed this already. You know how deep my disapproval runs.

  4. Hahaha, nice try comcast. Kristin. I hear you’re coming up to PDX to party???

    I’m STOKED.

    See you in a few days 🙂

    Katie

  5. 5 Brenda

    Kristin, we had this station on all day today (as we always do on Christmas… and the entire month of December) and we had a conversation about the Rosie and Cher song! We were playing Trivial Pursuit and we all stopped, stared at the screen, and said, “What the heck?”

    So merry Christmas to you.

  6. Christian Music is just very soothing to the ear and i feel uplifted when i hear about it “”

  7. 7 Mary

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